Marriage
Marriage. 10/27/25
The theme of the last couple weeks has been marriage, at nearly every level: pre-marriage and young marriage counseling, marriage enrichment workshops, and “coaching the coaches” marriage workshops. Oh, and keeping our own steady amid the swirl.
We knew our October calendar was the busiest on paper, and it’s felt even busier in action. The weekend of the 17th – 19th we presented a four-part marriage enrichment workshop in three sessions: Friday evening, Saturday morning and Saturday evening. The host church was Living Hope Gemeinde in Friedlingen, a district in the city of Weil am Rhein, Germany. The content was organized into themes: Conflict Resolution, Communication, Friendship, and Big Topics (like money, parenting, in-laws, sex, and stages of marriage). Cal had pulled together his favorite materials and quotes on each topic (no need to re-invent the wheel!) and I made the slide presentations look attractive and consistent. For each theme, we took turns talking from a script and weaving in our personal stories along the way. We really aren’t super dynamic polished presenters—just two old people who still like each other and know some stuff. But bathed in the earnest prayers of our host church family, it was enough for God to use in amazing ways.
Living Hope is a warm spirit-filled church led by a group of missionaries, most of whom previously served together in Turkey and who gravitated to Friedlingen in part because of the Turkish population in this part of town. So our workshop, like most everything they do, was translated live, phrase by phrase – twice! Judith stood next to us and interpreted our words for German ears with vivacious flair, while Nayle sat way in the back quietly interpreting for the attendees who listened through portable headsets in Turkish. We could see who did—and didn’t--understand us in English by when they laughed at the jokes 😊
God was clearly at work. At the scheduled start time, we sat in front in a chilly cavernous sanctuary with dark stone floors (Living Hope rents off-hours space from a larger state church) facing the left section of empty wooden pews. But this little fellowship never runs on punctual German time…so about 10 minutes later Judith starting leading us in worship songs and by 7:15 seats were filling up with curious locals. Once they saw that we weren’t really lecturing, just talking and storytelling, smiles began to appear; when we had people pair up to do a practice exercise everyone engaged. Afterwards, especially after the last session on Saturday, several couples and individuals took the extra effort to come up and tell us how much they learned and how helpful it was to them. It turns out marriage enrichment events are relatively rare in Germany, and Christian-based ones even rarer. So God took content that felt basic to us and used it to greatly equip those He brought to this gathering. Even church staff couples told us they learned new things about each other, and reported later that some of the regulars at their weekly Moms’ group were eagerly sharing their new insights with the other moms.
I had asked God to help me see whether my contribution was really adding value to this endeavor. I saw the answer as several people made a point of telling me how they appreciated my woman’s perspective and enjoyed watching us interact as a couple. Greatly encouraged I was.
In addition to Friedlingen, we have begun a set of marriage coaching sessions at Calvary Chapel in Freiburg. Here we are “coaching the coaches”—the attendees are couples identified as willing and able to coach and encourage marriages in their circles of influence. The topics include a deep dive into some of the same topics such as conflict and communication, but also include tips on how to listen with curiosity, understand, and coach others rather than simply giving advice, judging, or fixing. These sessions continue in November so we’d appreciate prayers for wisdom as we complete the preparation and presentations.
When you plant seeds…you sometimes get asked to water them. As a result of some of the previous ministry, including at the Switzerland missionary conference, we have been invited to listen and speak into the personal dynamics of some special couples. Marriage and pre-marriage counseling really energizes Cal; it is both an honor and a stretch for me partner with him here. But my heart goes out to these “youngsters”: my discomfort is miniscule if we can encourage and equip and point them towards the unconditional love and overflowing resources of Christ himself.
Finally, there is us. I think what really motivates both of us to pour into marriage-related service is a desire for other couples to enjoy the kind of love and companionship and joy we experience in our ongoing adventures together. But God is keeping us humble too--with all the unique experiences on this trip, I didn’t expect our personal dynamics to stand out, but...as we enter Week 8 of our trip, I look back and see stages of growth. The first 2 - 3 weeks were pure adventure, navigating the challenges of travel but nothing we haven’t done before. The next 3 - 4 weeks were different—living together 24/7 in one room (about the size of our master bedroom at home) and driving everywhere together in one vehicle, and perhaps most difficult of all sharing one modest laptop to do it all: workshop prep, blog writing, Cal’s daily journaling, playing worship music, watching Vikings football, and catching up on occasional news programs. One cannot get up, go to bed, play music, cook, wash dishes or even talk on the phone without affecting the other’s space. Which leads to micro conflicts and micro negotiations we blissfully evade at home, but which gives us fresh material to share in our workshops—God does have a sense of humor. The last couple weeks have felt smoother—we’ve found some things that help (including Cal leaving for a walk alone so I can have some solitude and computer time). In fact he just came back from a walk now, and I’m sure wants the laptop back…so time to wrap up another update.
Thank you for all your prayers: for us and those God has put in our lives here in upcoming workshops, counseling sessions, small group meetings, and everyday encounters!